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Fear of Success / Fear of Failure

The commitment I have made to The Live More Lightly Project is becoming a larger part of my life. I battle against my fears as I invest my meager resources into project production. The fear of success is based on the experiences I have had as a performer as I know that attracting attention can be dangerous. As a woman, the idea of riding solo far from home is a risk and on a motorcycle, I am particularly vulnerable. I am trying everything I can to make this tour safe and productive, and I want to focus on the issue, not on myself.

The fear of failure is faced every time I present my artistic work.

Will people like it? Will anyone want me to do my workshop or decide to buy my book? The chance of complete rejection is one that always lurks in the background at any performance or artistic presentation.

I tell myself that no one is making me do this. It is all my own idea and all the deadlines and pressure to complete the project are totally manufactured by me. I am trying to have fun with it, so I have been working on the cover and avoiding the business plan.

The business plan looms though, and I will have to convince my credit union to provide me with a financial safety net. I realize that there is a possibility that I will return to Vancouver in September with no money and no employment. If I am able to organize workshops along the way and sell some books, then I will retain some of my savings. I have to look on the bright side and consider all the positive reactions that I have gathered from people when I talk about my project.

It always depresses me when I have to do accounting, but I have to approach this with confidence and see it through. My life is a series of small tasks that will lead to a completed project. This is one more task that I don’t have to do, but it will make my journey more comfortable and give me a larger margin of safety than my VISA can provide.

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